You're actually reading this?

Modelling

2009-04-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

Wish me luck.

I'm going to be a model!

www.wickedtalent.com

I'm fine .

2008-07-25T13:28:00.001-07:00

I went to the hospital this morning. Been there since 12 or so. I'm o.k now. I peed for them. Just a little though.

I was stuck twice with a needle. They needed six tubes of blood. Apparently, my veins are tiny. The first blood sample, all the blood cells had.. I think, is what she said, made themselves into a pair, so they couldn't analyze anything?... T-something... is what it was called. I wasn't really paying attention, cause I was laughing too much. Nervous mechanism. I laugh at pain. Anyway, I had soup and crackers, and lots of water. I'm o.k now. I made a big mistake, and man am I happy to be able to sniff my cats again. :P I love the way they smell. I'm happy to be alive, and if there's a challenge.. Then I'll take it on full force, like Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Hulk, Batgirl, and Spiderman combined. So, I'll be... Batsupmanwomanhulkgirlspiderman!!! Woo.

...........................................................................................................................................

Ahhhh, stupid skeptics!!!! Don't they realize that time is totally different on planets based on where they are in the universe?! Just look at Earth, we have time zones!! On one planet!!! So, why can't the Universe have time zones too??? Hhmmm??? Aliens are an advanced life-form because they've been alive much longer!! Obviously their technology is far superior to our own, they've had more practice. They were probably somewhat like us, except maybe less aggressive, thousands and thousands of years ago. Skeptics don't consider all the facts. They think that everything fantastical or "out of this world" so to speak, is untrue. If it's untrue, then why is there so much evidence? Hmm? UGHHHH they piss me off to no end. I just wanna... just.. freaking slap em demented! Maybe then they'll be smart enough to believe in other than what everyone tells them.

Failures.. = life lessons?

2008-07-24T14:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday = bottom braces fitted, teeth hurt like hell (still do)
= woman's monthly issue
= oatmeal for breakfast with berries (b4 braces)... cream-corn fer lunch, nothing fer supper

Last night = death attempt, 20 pills of Advil cold and sinus = ingested with milk

Between 2am - 4am = limbs go numb, can't move, half asleep, feel death coming

5am - now = rejected by Uottawa
= student line of credit- suspended, why you ask? expected completion date of next month...?? I finished school almost one month ago.. the letter was sent last week.... I are confused!!!!!!!

Food to eat today = oatmeal and raspberries fer breakfast, two bites of mom's homemade soup fer lunch, 1 mashed potatoe for supper yet still not done on account of being full...5 glasses of water throughout day (450 ml each)

Full of what?!?!?!?!?! UGH ......Well..I do know the answer. /sigh But they should be almost out of my system now..

No more death attempts. Promise.

AHHHHHH dammit

2008-07-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

WHY me? Am I supposed to always be in the middle?? I try to make everyone around me happy but it doesn't work. I don't know why it doesn't. Well, I do for some things.

A hopeless dead end. A hopeful dead end? ...

whatever, ima go sleep.........

I are Confucius

2008-06-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

I want someone to give me an answer that I can apply to my life. I find that everyone has a solution and yet I don't seem to be able to find a way to use it for myself. I need to come up with my own conclusions, but once I do, those conclusions seem to interfere with other ideas, and within those conclusions, people would be hurt, for my satisfaction. Is there no way that everyone can be happy??? Why am I plagued with such confusion?

My heart and my brain want two different things. My heart is barely audible, barely felt at all, while my brain has all dominance. If by chance I do hear something my heart says, my brain counteracts immediately with a different statement that could also be a possibility. I never know which one is right. You're probably thinking, "Go with your heart, it's always right." And how do YOU know this?? Did you decide that our hearts were the holders of truth? Why does it make so much sense that they do? ....

Mmm blood

2008-06-15T16:20:00.001-07:00

http://world8.monstersgame.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=190033370

/sigh

2008-05-18T15:36:00.000-07:00

I've come to a point where I don't even want to write anything anymore. I barely talk to anyone. I seclude myself and it's for a good reason. No one really needs to know how I'm doing. It isn't something that will further anything in their lives, it's none of their concern. I don't understand why people feel the need to tell others of their dilemma's and whatnot else. What can that other person do to help? Nothing. Nothing at all. A few kind words always made the situation harder to bare. But it's ok. I'm fine in front, or behind from your perspective, of my computer. I don't need people to hang out with me, and I'm fine on my own. I've gotten accustomed to being alone since a young age. I don't need anyone. I would be fine if my life were like I am Legend, only without the creepy diseased people. The world would be my playground. Everything would be mine. I'll just hide from people for about a year or so, and then once I'm me again, I'll start going outside. I'll still talk to people... Just not face-to-face conversations. I won't make excuses. I don't want people to see me, and that's final. I wish 2012 would come sooner.

Taken from a new friend of mine - whether she wrote it or not - and without her consent - sorry

2008-05-17T17:15:00.001-07:00

I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself.
I want to be able, as days go by, always
to look at myself straight in the eyes.
I don't want to stand, with the setting sun,
and hate myself for the things I've done.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all man's respect.
For in the struggle for fame and self;
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know that
I'm bluster and bluff and an empty show.
I never can hide myself from me.
I see what others may never see.
I know what other's may never know.
I never can fool myself, and so,
whatevers happens I want to be
self-respecting and conscience free.

2012

2008-05-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

More on this later.
I need to take a nightly walk.
Before anything else is said, you must read The Gaia Project.

What my Name Means, Stolen from Jonas, Buaha

2008-01-13T17:12:00.000-08:00

My name means dark.... and all this:

What Adriana Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

Confusion...

2008-01-13T15:29:00.000-08:00

Do you know what it feels like to have a million thoughts circling around in your head, always creating new situations, not know which is real, which is truthful, and which is made up by your mind? Every thought creates a new one, and then the entire image that you were first trying to conceive is destroyed, morphed into a distorted view of something that was once simple...

Your emotions are shuffled around like garbage in the dump; you try and find that lost doll, action figure, model air-plane, whoopee cushion, earring, stuffed animal, but what you find is nothing like what you had. The doll's nose has crumbled, it is no longer visible, the action figure has lost its super belt and along with its super belt, its super-powers, the model air-plane is missing a wing, and the engine, the whoopee cushion has a large whole in it, the earring is missing its fake, glued-in crystals, and the stuffed animal has lost its stuffing. You pick up each item, crying as you dig in the heap of rotten food, and maggot-infested plastic bottles and cans. You have your possessions cuddled in your arms as your tears fall, soaking your arms and hands. As the tears drip down over the items, they begin to disintegrate, each morsel of their supposed life floating away from you in the slight breeze of the night. You lose control of your arms, your legs... You plummet to the ground, hoping to find some shred of your emotions, and yet, all you find, is nothing. And there you stay, waiting for the breeze to blow back your way, hoping that it will bring with it what you thought you would never lose.

Huzzah

2007-12-29T09:03:00.001-08:00

Yey, first post! Booyeh.

Ok well that's all.

I can't think of anything to write.

Ooohhh well.
Will write something later... Probly after "xmas" supper.